Thinking Out Loud #8 – NEDA & My Experience

As you may already know, this week is National Eating Disorder Awareness (NEDA) week. I hold this week VERY true and dear to my heart. If you weren’t aware, I suffered from not just one, but multiple eating disorders. Wow.. were those words hard to type. My disorders ranged from binging, to bulimia, to annorexia, to a body image disorder. I am actually in recovery as of right now.

Thinking-Out-Loud

Thank you, Amanda. ❤

1. I’ve only heard NEDA mentioned within the blog world, not out in the real world. I would inform my classmates if they knew what this week was and if they even knew what NEDA stood for. Did I get a big fat no. The number of eating disorder increases every year, and campaigns have been made, but why is this week not mentioned on the news? Eating disorders are deadly and people need to be aware of how rapid and widespread they are. I have been LOVING reading about other bloggers thoughts on this topic, because I feel like they get me and understand.

2. Like I mentioned earlier, I am in recovery. Yes, I still have food fears. Yes, I mentally count calories in my head. Yes, I get uneasy about schedules, what’s being cooked, and how it is cooked. I shy away from going back for more food or honoring all of my cravings. I admit to all of that. BUT, I am getting better with my food. Seriously, this past year I am finally eating more.

3. I guess you’re wondering why I developed so many disorders? Well, it all started in eighth grade. Man, were those the carefree years before hand.. It wasn’t until eighth grade when the messages of the media smacked me in the face. I realized I was over wight beforehand, but did I care about my body image? No. Did I actually enjoy food? Yes. Eighth grade was the time when I started paying attention to what people were saying. I started noticing how being skinny was the definition of beauty. Slowly I started covering up my body by wearing jackets and jeans every day (even in the sweltering heat of good ol’ AZ). It then led to eating less and less every day. Eventually, I wasn’t eating at all. I was always fatigued. My hunger was virtually gone. I lost 100+ pounds, my hair was falling out, my nails were brittle, I stopped getting my period. Ultimately, I slipped into a depression.

4. In my free time, I used to spend hours upon hours on tumblr scrolling through posts of skinny girls and how happy they looked. I thought that starving myself would make me happy (DAFUQ.) I obsessed over thee “diet rules” of going low carb, no fat, not eating past this time, eat every 2-3 hours, yadda yadda yadda. I wrote them down and had reminders everywhere.

5. You know what the really scary part of it was? My friends or family didn’t really notice until I had gotten down to 98 pounds at a 5’4 height. For years they didn’t seem to notice. All they thought was that my endless working out was paying off. I burned every single calorie I may have consumed. My friends thought the same. It wasn’t until when people hugged me that they felt the pressure from my bones and how it would leave me grasping for air.

6. Recovery is a choice. Recovery is a choice I made. Honestly, you can’t force something/someone to change, because by nature, it/they will resist. I saw how much it effected my friends, family, school, health, and relationships. Granted it took me quite some time, but I am grateful that I finally recognized what I was doing to myself.

7. One thing I have to stress about recovery is that it is a journey, but you are STRONG enough to conquer the inner thoughts and monsters. There are times where the thoughts are over powering, but you are a WARRIOR, you are FIERCE, you are STRONGER than they ever will be. Ups and downs along the way are bound to happen, but they do not define you. They are learning experiences.

8. I am ALWAYS here for you. I promise. Tweet me, e-mail me, comment below, heck- ask for my number and you can call or text me!

9. I love food. 😀

10. I hope you are having an amazing day. ❤

-What are your thoughts?

-What advice do you have? 

-What’s your favorite food? 

—————

Connect with me!

Instagram -> @myhealthlyjourney

Twitter -> @xolovenatalie

Pinterest -> @xolovenatalie

E-mail -> lovenataliemarie@gmail.com

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25 thoughts on “Thinking Out Loud #8 – NEDA & My Experience

  1. I love what you said about recovery being a choice — it definitely is. People can make you gain weight, but at the end of the day you have to realize that you deserve a better life than the one your ED is giving you and choose to claim it. I fell victim to the belief that being thinner would make me happier as well, but the thinner I got, the more unhappy I became. Ohhh the things I would go back and tell my younger self…

  2. I can’t imagine what it is like battling multiple eating disorders, just having anorexia is already too much! It makes me so sad that we feel so pressurised to look a certain way in society, I think it’s definitely part of the reason there are so many with eating disorders. And recovery really IS a choice. I believe that’s why people relapse – we are always that bit afraid of choosing to fully recover. Loved this post and so glad you’re on the right path x

    • It wasn’t easy, but I learned so much from it. I fell victim to that as well sadly. I’m grateful to have recovered, because I don’t think I’d be here today if I didn’t. It’s all about balance, patience, determination, acceptance, and self love.

  3. I think you have been so brave to be so open about your story and your recovery. As Amanda said I loved what you said about recovery being a choice. I never have had an ED but I did used to not have the greatest relationship with food and it was definitely a choice to work on repairing it.

    • I’m so happy to be on my way to finding balance with food. It has its ups and downs, but in the end, it’s all worth it. I’m happy to hear that you repaired your relationship with food. 🙂

  4. recovery is such a choice and a tough one. I had to choose it for myself for me to fully enter into it. i think i lived in denial for way too long before I actually did anything about it. i had to, like you said though, choose me

  5. Bahahaha “I love food.”
    Sorry, I just thought that was a cute way to end your post 🙂
    You and I are actually pretty similar in our stories. First off, CONGRATS on taking a stand and joining the journey to recovery. It takes bravery and strength to get to that point, so don’t forget that. While my ED was mostly exercise addiction, I also had horrible issues with binging and purging and starvation as well. It would go through spells with me, but the exercise addition was always there. The counting calories was also always there. I only gave that up about 3 years ago now and while I may still be semi conscious about them, they no longer rule my life.

    • Haha, well it is the truth. 😀
      Thank you babes. ❤ I was an exercise addict as well. That's why I get injured so often. *le sigh..*, but I’ve learned more about balance and doing what makes me happy. I’m beyond proud of you!

  6. Good for you girl! I have been hearing a lot about NEDA, but only because a friend is in recovery and also because I’m in a Women’s Studies class and we’ve talked about body image and the media. You are brave for choosing your path to recovery, and even more brave for sharing that story!

  7. I had no idea you are in recovery and I am truly happy to witness such a strong loving girl conquer her own fears. You rock! No seriously, I think what your doing is amazing. It takes a lot of strength, courage, and self love to do what your doing and be so open about an issue many stay silent about. Love ya Natalie, keep doing your thing girl! 😉

  8. Love this and how far you’ve come. You’ve done an AMAZING job and you’re such a strong girl. I admire you so much for how you’re handling things and how you made the conscious decision to take control back of your life!

  9. Wow Natalie, You are so courageous for putting your story out there. It’s so important that people see strong women like you and use them for role models. I love the idea that recovery is a choice because it really puts it in your own hands. I’m happy you made that decision because you deserve to be happy!!

  10. Pingback: WIAW – Food Balance Growth | lovenataliemarie

  11. Pingback: What I Learned From Recovery and Intuitive Eating | lovenataliemarie

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