Life has been hectic lately. I have been neck deep with school work ranging from studying for exams and finals, projects, memorizing different material, working on Public Based Assessments, and study sessions. I have gotten to the point of breaking down from the stress. I admitted to myself that I did pile on too much this year. I did it because I thought it would make my parents proud. They have always expected me to be the one to get the good grades. They see a bright future for me, so I don’t want to let them down. While trying to do what made them happy, I lost myself.
Do not get me wrong, I love learning and I am blessed to be able to receive an education and attain all of the knowledge I have, but I’m not happy with how much I have to do. I know.. I know.. in order to reach success, you have to make sacrifices and do what it takes, but what about when that goes too far? I sacrificed my happiness in order to do what would make others proud of me. I am proud of myself for pushing myself through everything I am, but I have missed out on so many things. I’ve missed out on time with friends, time with family, time with myself. All I focused on was doing what made everyone else happy. I set the expectation bar too high.
School is coming to an end and I want to do what makes ME happy. I had a talk with God and asked for guidance. I asked for the boulders to be lifted off of my shoulder and guide me to the life that would make ME happy. I did feel a bit selfish for asking to find what makes ME happy, but in all honesty, that’s what I NEED to do. I lost myself this year. I stopped doing what made my happy. I stopped drawing and painting. I stopped spending my weekends with my family and friends. I stopped cooking and baking. I stopped playing sports. I stopped so much.
Once school is over, I am going to focus more on ME. I am going to focus more on my art. I can get lost in a whole new world once you hand me a pen, pencil, paint brush, paint, and paper. Art is how I express myself. I am going to focus on spending more time with my friends and family. I have so much lost time to make up for. I am going to focus on cooking and baking more. The kitchen it therapeutic for me. I get lost in the aromas and my mind just frees from all of the stress I may feel. I am going to focus more on being active and playing sports. I am going to start playing volleyball and soccer again along with lifting, pilates, hiking, and yoga. I love being active. I am going to focus more on hiking, because it is my new found passion. I am going to focus on ME. I’m going to do what makes ME happy.
When I do what I love, I am the most happiest. When I spend time with the people I care about and love, you will never catch me without a smile. I have let what I think what would make other people happy consume me. I realized that I can’t truly make other happy if I am not happy first.
Art makes me happy. Being active makes me happy. Family makes me happy. Friends make me happy. Music makes me happy. Blogging makes me happy. Cooking makes me happy. Baking makes me happy. Hiking makes me happy. Going out and enjoying life makes me happy.
I’m on a journey to focus on what makes me happy. I am going to find myself again. I am going to be happy. I am going to do what I love. I am going to be me.
-What makes you happy?
-What makes you, you?
-Have you ever lost yourself? How did you find yourself?
-What are your thoughts on this?
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