*DISCLAIMER: This post is going to be a more personal post.
If you have been reading my blog for some time now you know that I am a person who sees the optimism in every situation. I don’t like to look at the negative of anything, because who wants to do that? It’s just a downer. It’s not always easy though. As much as we all want too, we can’t always be happy 100% of the time. I’m all about being raw and real here.
1. Lately, I have been feeling like my mind is slipping back into my old ways. You know the ways of the eating disorder? Yes.. I know this is bound to happen and that I have to stay strong, but it’s hard. “Be a warrior. Persevere. You’re better than that!” I have heard that oh so many times whenever I bring up this topic to a friend. It’s hard to take that advice sometimes when the ones I have been confiding too have not faced an eating disorder. I have started counting macros again, because I have gained weight and it scared me. I took one look in the mirror and I was not happy. Yes, I am training hard in the gym, but you need to keep in mind that I had (and maybe still have..) body dysmorphia. If you don’t know what that is, it is a body image disorder that has to do with seeing myself differently than other people.. in a not so flattering way.
I’m not happy counting macros, but I’m also afraid of gaining weight. Yes, I admit it. Before you think “She needs to work on her self confidence,” I want you to know that is what I do every day. I do love myself (although it may not seem like it). I am grateful and thankful for all that I can do. I just have a tainted mindset that I am working on.
You’re probably thinking.. why is she talking about this? Well, I am going on vacation tomorrow and I am nervous about not tracking. I’m nervous about eating too much or too little. I’m nervous I will binge. I am nervous I will feel guilt. I’m just being raw and real with you all here. I know I need to enjoy this vacation, and I will, I just.. I guess I need advice? Or something..?
2. This may sound like a huge contradiction, but i am an advocate of loving yourself regardless. Lately, I have been seeing a lot of bashing on Instagram. I have seen accounts promoting anorexia and telling recovering girls to eat less, I have seen pictures and comments being made about other people, I have seen the nasty side of people. I know… I know… everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but the comments I have seen have disgusted me. I’ve seen bashing on “clean eating,” IIFYM (macros), intuitive eating, vegans, vegetarians, gluten free, training methods, bikini competitors, meal plans, progress photos, etc. I’m actually surprised how outrageous it gets sometimes. People are failing to realize that everyone is different. Not everyone will like the same things as maybe you do. I know people who choose to do pilates and yoga over lifting. I know people who would choose to do cardio instead of lift. Not everyone enjoys lifting. Not everyone enjoys counting macros. Not everyone enjoys meal plans or exercise plans. There are benefits to everything out there in the fitness and nutrition world. Some things work better than other things for people.
3. Do you ever go through those time periods where you just feel lonely? I have. I realize I have family and friends that are always surrounding me, but I just have this feeling inside of myself. I have confided into God, but I think it’s something I am missing as a person. I am happy the majority of the time. I’m still trying to discover what it is. Maybe it’s a hidden passion? Maybe it’s something I need to let go of. Maybe it’s something I need in my life. I don’t know.. I’m sure you get what I am talking about if you have felt this way. Any tips you care to share if you have?
I know this wasn’t a typical post of mine, but it’s what I wanted to get off my chest. It felt good to type this out. Maybe I can connect with some of you that has every felt like this or thought like this. Who knows? Any who, I need to pack still, so I will end this here.
I hope you have an amazing day and just wait for an epic food post tomorrow. ❤
-Any advice you care to share?
-Have you been facing any internal struggles lately?
-What are your thoughts on any of the topics above?
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